“It’s like a rebirth,” says Louisa. “All this creativity that was stuck inside is again coming out. I look in the mirror and paint my own world.  I trust myself for the very first time.”

An artist, poet and singer, Louisa is a young woman who exudes sensitivity and intelligence. She also struggles with bipolar disorder. Now a student at a private day school, she is the winner of a Scholastic Golden Key art award. Last summer, she held a successful art show that led to commissions for creations made of beechwood. Louisa hopes to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology next fall, and to become a fashion designer. She also intends to do volunteer work abroad because, she says, “If I am successful it is meaningful only if I do something for someone else.”

Yet those same qualities that frame Louisa’s current successes and goals are what made her feel like an outcast at her public high school where athletics were a major focus.  “I was not happy or responsive to anyone. I began to skip school and was not doing any artwork. My parents realized that I was pretty miserable. My teachers didn’t understand and were frustrated with me.”

Louisa’s behavior led the school psychologist to contact Jaydn McCune, coordinator of the Lighthouse Classroom Program, a partnership between Franziska Racker Centers and Tompkins-Seneca-Tioga BOCES that provides a short-term school alternative for kids experiencing emotional trauma or crisis in their lives. At her interview for admittance into the program, “It was evident that Lighthouse was a perfect fit for Louisa,” Jaydn states. 

At first, however, Louisa often would not show up for class. When she did come, she was tired and wanted only to nap. Then one day she doodled her name. “That started the shift,” Louisa says. “In my free time, I would draw and draw and draw.” Jaydn observes that from there, “Louisa began to take her life back.” While she credits a healthier diet and adjustments to the medication used to control her bipolar disorder as contributing factors, Louisa is clear that her experience at Lighthouse was central to her renewal. “I wasn’t treated like a kid, problems were solved in positive ways, and I received constant feedback that let me know I was a person, not a problem. It was a very safe time that allowed me to pause and recharge my batteries so that I could start running again.” Jaydn adds, “Louisa learned to control her emotions, which had been controlling her. She also demanded to be treated with respect. That kept us honest.”

One of the goals Louisa identified for her stay at Lighthouse was to write a poem about herself. The staff supported her efforts to accomplish the task telling her, “Just write one thing. Good job. Keep going.” When at last she wrote the two-page poem, “Song of Myself,” it was completed in a single afternoon.

As Louisa grew in the Lighthouse classroom, she also made changes at home. “I wanted to mend my relationship with my parents,” she asserts, “and as I began to change, they began to see me differently. My parents are people to me now. I let them know I appreciate what they do.” 

Reflecting on the significant differences in her life since participating in the Lighthouse Classroom Program, Louisa concludes, “I can’t imagine what my life would be like without Lighthouse. Instead of looking down, I’m looking forward. But I’m not an example of a ‘success story.’ I am an example of what this program does.”

…this is not a “Song of Myself”

Rather, it is a confrontation of words,

Strung together like a cheap child’s necklace of thread.

There are too many beads on that necklace,

Some so divine, so rough, so rare—

Hand-blown glass of experience,

Made for a kaleidoscope, dreamt up from substance.

But I can’t fit them all on one string,
In one poem.          

-Excerpt from Song of Myself